lets get weirdddddd....

       I was looking for a damn leather jacket in Peterborough, didn't find one... Well I found a couple but they were in small size. Seems like all the clothes in this country is small -_-. So I left empty handed, sorta. I bought another doner, its a german food, I believe. It has some sort of meat then is wrapped in a pita bread with whatever toppings you want. Theyre not amazing but not too bad in this country. I honestly miss Mexican food probably more than anything right now.
      I watch youtube more than I watch tv/movies/anything combined. One of the channels I've recently gotten into is BFvGF(go check it out instead of me explaining it, lol). Anyways the bf and gf have such a strong trust in each other that I adore. Besides that, the bf rarely goes out but when he does he sometimes gets drunk, and hes one funny ass drunk. I miss those days, seems like the "days of freedom". By no means is my gf tying me down, I just feel like if I went out then i'd just be leaving a mystery in her head of what im doing when I go out. But I know for a fuckin fact I wouldn't do shit with another girl. So heres where trust is gonna have to come into play.
LETS GET FUCK WEIRDDDDDD. :D

time to relaxxxxxxx....

Just got done with one of the biggest tests ill have in my career. I was really aiming for a 95/100 but i did an "ok" just and got an 87. its not the biggest deal in the world to anyone but i feel like i could've done better. but anyways i only studied for  like a day and a half, i had months to study for it. so not too shabby for a guy that studied last minute...
       i'd be a fucking liar if i said i wasn't gonna miss my girl when she moves. but thinking about her leaving already is eating away at me. basically delaying the inevitable. its cool though, im learning to appreciate my time with her, and i could see this as a life lesson. appreciate the small amount of time i'll have with people.

Clear to me...

So I went out last night with 2 friends of mine last night and theyre were so many beautiful women, a lot. I'm proud of my self that I stopped any attempt on hitting any girl, its seriously natural reaction. I  had to constantly remind my self of Rachel (gf). So I just relaxed the entire night, it was a pretty shitty night though, I drank just a little bit but started to get a headache. It may be because of the supplements im taking... Anyways I don't really like alcohol, or the feeling it even gives me any more. I feel like it isn't fun anymore, or maybe because of the people I went out with weren't fun. but anyways im not so much into partying anymore. Although it was fun to watch dudes spit game, and fail, good times.

not so much...

Im not into the game much anymore, actually at all. I don't study it, don't practice it, but I do like watching footage of PUA's at work. I like to see and compare their styles. I'm happily in a relationship right now, and im not one to cheat, so the game isn't really the thing anymore. Im going to pick it back up at one point but for now im just cruising on the relationship boat, its a nice boat btw.
On the other hand I've recently got into weightlighting/bodybuilding. Its a good time occupant. I don't just spend time in the gym and go home and forget everything and eat whatever. I study nutrition, techniques for lifting, different supplements, and cook constantly. Its like a hobby, it takes a lot of dedication and effort. Im currently at 170.6 lbs trying to reach 200 by the end of the year, its a huge leap but I have the right mindset right now to get me to that goal. Im at a slender athletic build right now. Taking about 6 different supplements, you bet your paycheck im drinking a lot of liquids.

Success is the greatest revenge...

I always thought of ways of getting people back for things they've done to me. But I've learned to forgive and forget, let your success show them what your made of...

Im not the jealous type, but damn....

Jealousy usually never gets to me, but it all depends on the person and situation now apparently... I actually really like the girl im with, we just had sex the other night, which was the funniest I've ever heard, but that's a whole different post alone. Anyways, she sends me a message the day after we had sex, saying if we were just friends or still talking. In my head i'm like whats going down here o_o. so I just reply "yea were still talking, I would assume so, unless somethings up?"
    she said nothing was up but that question got me questioning her question. But I play off the question like it was whatever. so then she leaves me another weird message on facebook, while I was asleep. Ill just copy and paste the fucking thing to make my life easier.

Her:"ermmmm tonights been kinda weird..and even though you don't know about it it still was about you..which sounds weird. I'm really tired..like almost asleep, past my half awake stage. but even if we can't fix our problem i still like you...like you're a really cool guy. and ya know how you said i made you wanna be a better person or something like that? well idk if you've changed or not but i actually became better tonight..like i made smart decisions that i normally wouldn't take. hahaha this is probably not making any sense so I'm gunna go.......(:"

Me:"Well it made sense when you said it just explain the whole situation of what happened"

Her:"so this guy had the house to himself last night and he kept trying to get me to come over but obviously i said no. (thats what made me wonder if we were still talking or what) but then he was trying to get me to come over and just hangout and he said nothing would happen and idk if you're talking to other girls or not but i knew id still feel kinda guilty for going over even if nothing happened. and then my ex called and like he can't get turned on with anyone else so he wanted to have one last time or whatever and i told him no and i said i liked someone and he's like "well nobody has to know" but i could never do that. like even now i feel like i need to tell you the truth and i feel bad even though nothing happened and even if u are talking to other girls too id still feel bad and now I'm jet kinda rambling on...but there was a time that i probably would've gone over to that guys house and i would've made dumb mistakes. id still feel guilty but i woulve gone but now like i wouldn't have gone cause i didn't and I'm rambling on again..."

I was glad she told me, but god that killed me, seeing other dudes trying to hit on her. That made my heart drop, I know she didn't do anything with these geeks, its just the thought of another guy trying to get with her. Pissed me off, but i'm not about to go on a man hunt, LOL.

Kinda makes me think about the Game. guys must really wanna fuck me up, i'm viewing the side of an AFC(average frustrated chump). It fucking sucks how the tables can turn that easily. Fucking hate that feeling, I hate the feeling of me not being able to be there for any girl im with and not being able to protect her. I feel like I just went back to square one. But that mindset can't possibly last long, god I hope not.

I also hate the feeling that the person you really like is about to be gone and be out of your life damn near forever. Shes leaving in a month, I can't do anything about it, but bite my tounge and say goodbye.

Falling for someone is probably the hardest thing someone can go through if theyre is a doomed outcome. Just terrible. I feel like I should cut her off now, but i'm so tired of not being able to finish something that I start. I need to follow this through until the brutal and bitter end...then its time to move on...

the only easy day was yesterday....