Jealousy usually never gets to me, but it all depends on the person and situation now apparently... I actually really like the girl im with, we just had sex the other night, which was the funniest I've ever heard, but that's a whole different post alone. Anyways, she sends me a message the day after we had sex, saying if we were just friends or still talking. In my head i'm like whats going down here o_o. so I just reply "yea were still talking, I would assume so, unless somethings up?"
she said nothing was up but that question got me questioning her question. But I play off the question like it was whatever. so then she leaves me another weird message on facebook, while I was asleep. Ill just copy and paste the fucking thing to make my life easier.
Her:"ermmmm tonights been kinda weird..and even though you don't know about it it still was about you..which sounds weird. I'm really tired..like almost asleep, past my half awake stage. but even if we can't fix our problem i still like you...like you're a really cool guy. and ya know how you said i made you wanna be a better person or something like that? well idk if you've changed or not but i actually became better tonight..like i made smart decisions that i normally wouldn't take. hahaha this is probably not making any sense so I'm gunna go.......(:"
Me:"Well it made sense when you said it just explain the whole situation of what happened"
Her:"so this guy had the house to himself last night and he kept trying to get me to come over but obviously i said no. (thats what made me wonder if we were still talking or what) but then he was trying to get me to come over and just hangout and he said nothing would happen and idk if you're talking to other girls or not but i knew id still feel kinda guilty for going over even if nothing happened. and then my ex called and like he can't get turned on with anyone else so he wanted to have one last time or whatever and i told him no and i said i liked someone and he's like "well nobody has to know" but i could never do that. like even now i feel like i need to tell you the truth and i feel bad even though nothing happened and even if u are talking to other girls too id still feel bad and now I'm jet kinda rambling on...but there was a time that i probably would've gone over to that guys house and i would've made dumb mistakes. id still feel guilty but i woulve gone but now like i wouldn't have gone cause i didn't and I'm rambling on again..."
I was glad she told me, but god that killed me, seeing other dudes trying to hit on her. That made my heart drop, I know she didn't do anything with these geeks, its just the thought of another guy trying to get with her. Pissed me off, but i'm not about to go on a man hunt, LOL.
Kinda makes me think about the Game. guys must really wanna fuck me up, i'm viewing the side of an AFC(average frustrated chump). It fucking sucks how the tables can turn that easily. Fucking hate that feeling, I hate the feeling of me not being able to be there for any girl im with and not being able to protect her. I feel like I just went back to square one. But that mindset can't possibly last long, god I hope not.
I also hate the feeling that the person you really like is about to be gone and be out of your life damn near forever. Shes leaving in a month, I can't do anything about it, but bite my tounge and say goodbye.
Falling for someone is probably the hardest thing someone can go through if theyre is a doomed outcome. Just terrible. I feel like I should cut her off now, but i'm so tired of not being able to finish something that I start. I need to follow this through until the brutal and bitter end...then its time to move on...
